What do you think of this story my cousin made? please check, any opinion is okay?
More like script, I don't know and her name is Lisa Title: "Forbidden Love" Crissy: John wait up (carrying bag) John: Hurry, the flight starts at 8:30, we'll be 5 minutes late Crissy: Sorry but- John: Come on, hop in, let's go! Crissy: Fine!! (goes in car) John: (kisses Crissy) I'm so happy that we can be together for a long time again Crissy: Yeah well, you went to France for 2 years, I missed you a lot John: (hug) I missed you too (still driving) Phone of Crissy: (rings) Crissy: (answers) Hello? Mom of Crissy: Hello Honey?! Where in the world are you?! Crissy: Um, on the way to the airport, why? Mom of Crissy: Your father has been in a car accident. . . he's in the hospital Crissy: Huh?! which? Mom of Crissy: St. Joseph. . . Crissy: Okay I'll see you there! (hangs up) John: What just happened? Crissy: Go to St. Joseph, Now! My dad got into an accident John: Oh babe, I feel sorry, I'm so sorry Crissy: (cries) -At St. Joseph hospital- Crissy: Mom?! where is he? Mom: (cries) In that room. . . Crissy: (looks in) (hugs John) John: (hugs) Everything'll be alright Crissy: (cries) John: (sits down) Crissy: (sits down) (wipes tears) Mom of Crissy: . . . . . (cries) (drinks water) John: I'm sorry Mrs. Lopez. . . . . I feel so sorry. . . Mom of Crissy: Thank you. . .(stops) (wipes tears) Crissy: John, maybe we could just go on a vacation next week or so. . . John: Okay.. . - 20 minutes later - Doctor: Ma'am, he will be fine now, the accident just caused a minor injury on him, nothing to worry about Crissy: Thank you so much Nurse: But I believe he will be taking up lots of medical needs and merchandise in the future. . . Mom of Crissy: Oh dear. . . -after 3 days- Crissy: Dad be careful! Dad of Crissy: I know. .. Crissy: (answers phone) Hello? John this is you right? John: Yeah, just asked how is your dad Crissy: He's fine. . John: Good, when will we go on a vacation? Crissy: Sorry John, maybe next month John: Huh? Crissy: Even though Dad is fine he still needs me. . . John: Great!! (mad) Crissy: John! John: (hangs up) Crissy: JOHN!!!!. . . Mom of Crissy: Crissy keep the noise down. Crissy: . . . .. . Mom I'm just going to the park. . . . .bye.. . . (leaves) (goes to Naturalic Park) John: What are you doing here? Crissy: Coincidence. . . John: (walks away) Crissy: I'm sorry. . . . but It's not my fault John, I love you but. . . this is all too hard for me, I'm so sorry John: Okay, It's alright. . . (hugs) Crissy: I love you so much. . . Lilian: Oh my gosh babe! Who is that? John: Um, that's my assistant manager .. Crissy: What?! I'm your girlfriend, and who is that?? John: Um. . . Lilian: Huh? shut up! I'm his girlfriend Crissy: (leaves) John: Let me explain!!!!! Crissy: Explain what? John: Okay, when I went to France, I fell in love with her, and now I was planning to meet up with her today and forgot. . . Crissy: I loved you first! I loved you before you went to France, I loved you until today!!!! (slaps) Lilian: I hate you!! I hate you!!! why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend that day we met? WHY?! (slaps) Lilian and Crissy: (leaves) John: Guys! Sorry. . .I'm really sorry! ~The End </3 ~ Well, what do you think of my cousin's story? I think it's pretty lame. . oh and by the way, which person did you think was the most heartbroken, Lilian or Crissa? Hey guys,. remember my cousin did this. . .
Singles & Dating - 2 Answers
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1 :
A Little Bit Wooden. People Wouldn't Actually Talk Like That.. They Don't Say 'Huh?' But Good Storyline.
2 :
I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I read that. Crissy was obviously more effected than the new person. Needs better dialogue...try again.
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